


paint strokes

by catspajama_llamas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abstract, BDSM, Bittersweet, Bonding, Childhood, Consensual, Cosmetics, Crack, Drabbles, Fluff, Fluff and heartbreak, Freeform, Games, Gen, Knife Play, M/M, Pranks, Smoking, Tension, awkward moments, injuries, intraspective, ouran hshc au, prompt, routines, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4896292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catspajama_llamas/pseuds/catspajama_llamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>drabbles and prompts oh my</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. irony

Kaneki is sweating, his eyes turned upward, staring at the ceiling as if all the answers of life itself are written there. His hands are clammy, clenched on the bedsheets underneath him, praying his body doesn’t react to Tsukiyama shifting on his lap.

“This is awkward,” is what he’d like to say, but doesn’t dare, not even daring to take a shaky breath in case he should smell the delicate rose of Tsukiyama’s favorite shampoo. His eyes are straining against the monotonous detail of the pale ceiling. He fidgets.

“Kaneki-kun.. please calm down. You’re not exactly making this any easier,” Tsukiyama says, too focused on his task of getting the zipper on Kaneki’s battlesuit unstuck to look at him.

Kaneki fights the impulse to jerk his head down to look at Tsukiyama. They’d certainly knock heads if he did so. He should have asked Hinami to help. Why didn’t he ask Hinami to help. He hopes she doesn’t walk in on them right now, because she’d certainly get the wrong idea with the way Tsukiyama is straddling his lap, one hand on his shoulder and the other on his neck. Isn’t there a better way they could have tried to fix the zipper?

“Right. Sorry,” Kaneki mutters.

Tsukiyama tugs at the zipper again, for the umpteenth time. The force he does it with shakes Kaneki a little, and Tsukiyama shifts on his lap again, settling himself closer into Kaneki so as to get better leverage on the damaged zipper. Kaneki wants to scream. He clears his throat rather loudly, his mouth going dry. He fights to keep last night’s dream from the edge of his thoughts. It played out much like what’s currently happening, except it had been Tsukiyama writhing on top of him in other manners, no external hindrances involved. Kaneki cracks his knuckles. Tsukiyama hisses in frustration. Kaneki wishes the ceiling would collapse and bury him alive.

They’ve been in this position for what feels like hours. They should get scissors. But that would make all of Tsukiyama’s efforts go to waste. Plus, Kaneki doesn’t want to ruin the suit, which is why he ever asked for help in the first place. He had been fed up with struggling over the zipper, and Tsukiyama shuffling through a newspaper was the first thing he had heard. They had stood in Kaneki’s room, but after countless tries and growing frustration in trying to free the zipper, Tsukiyama had moved them to sitting on the bed, to him straddling Kaneki’s lap as he was now.

It was not his best idea to ask of him for help, he thinks, trying not to focus on the way the bed quivers underneath them.

Tsukiyama moves the hand on his shoulder to his neck, making its way underneath the suit’s fabric to tease the faulty zipper. Kaneki is radiating heat, his heart practically convulsing. The fabric of his suit isn’t exactly thick, and he knows Tsukiyama must be acutely aware of him. Tsukiyama needs to get off of him, _now._

“A.. ha!” Tsukiyama exclaims, tugging the zipper with more force. “Kaneki-kun, I-”

Right as Tsukiyama finally breaks the zipper free, Kaneki’s door bursts open.

“Onii-chan, there’s-”

The two of them jump, and Kaneki shoots up to stand with such force that Tsukiyama falls with a squawk off Kaneki's lap, clawing Kaneki's suit for purchase. He accidentally yanks the zipper down to Kaneki's shorts, pulling an unsuspecting Kaneki down on top of him, his back hitting the floor. Hinami shrieks.

“Ahh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, I’m just- I- I’m so sorry!!” She shouts, slamming the door behind her.

Kaneki and Tsukiyama stare at the closed door, hearing Hinami dash down the stairwell. Kaneki sits up and groans, hiding his face in his hands. He feels his chest exposed from the now open suit, the zipper fixed. He realizes he's also still sitting on top of Tsukiyama, his half-hard erection only slightly deflated.

“Well.. this is awkward,” Tsukiyama finally stammers.

At least he’s still wearing his shorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing ask prompt: "Well this is awkward"  
> im sorry im a scatterbrain :'^3


	2. pommes de terre

“Um.. ah. Kaneki-kun..”

Kaneki turns around to face Tsukiyama. Tsukiyama is grimacing, sprawled out on the grimy floor as he holds his left ankle.

“Tsukiyama-san?” Kaneki looks around them uneasily. They had only just gotten out of the now decimated ghoul restaraunt, and Kaneki’s on edge. After slaughtering all those ghouls, now is _really_ not the time to take a rest.

“I ah..” Tsukiyama forces out, attempting to stand as Kaneki makes his way quickly over.

“I seem to have hurt my ankle.. rather badly..” He finishes, looking to Kaneki as he sits down to inspect Tsukiyama’s ankle. Kaneki huffs, looking around once again. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up, looking down the empty tunnel they are in.

“Fuck.. you really couldn’t have chosen better timing, could you.”

“I know, I am so sorry Kaneki-kun, I’m trying my best!”

Tsukiyama tries standing again, Kaneki allowing him to use his shoulder as support. He whines, cursing under his breath as he goes to sit back down. He can’t even limp alongside Kaneki, even with his weight on his shoulder.

Kaneki looks at Tsukiyama’s injured ankle, panic escalating. Why hadn’t he healed yet? He should be fine by now.. it had been a couple minutes ago that Tsukiyama had collapsed as they ran through the deserted tunnel from the restaraunt.

“Fuck..” Kaneki’s mind races, blood rushing through his ears. Tsukiyama’s ankle probably set in the wrong way when it started healing. He’ll have to break it again, but now is really, _**really**_ not a good time. They have to move, and fast.

Tsukiyama winces again, suppressing a tiny whimper of pain. Tsukiyama won’t look Kaneki in the eye, his bangs hiding his face. Kaneki guesses it’s a low for him to be seen this way, especially when they need to be escaping.

Concern builds on top of the growing paranoia. He takes one more glance behind his shoulder. His mind is at a blank, nothing but static and white noise, feeling as if they are going to be engulfed in the black expanse of the seemingly empty tunnel. He turns back to Tsukiyama, skin crawling.

“Okay. Okay. Tsukiyama-san..”

He has no other option. It has to be done.

“Tsukiyama-san, I’m going to have to carry you out of here.”

At this Tsukiyama splutters, his eyes wide as they snap in alarm to Kaneki’s proposal. His face is on fire.

“Non, non, non, Kaneki-kun, I couldn’t possibly allow you to do that! The audacity! No, I’m perfectly fine, I-”

“Don’t argue with me! You know damn well you can’t even walk right now! We need to get out of here!”

“Yes, I know, I’m telling you-”

“And I’M telling YOU, we _NEED_ TO GET OUT OF HERE!”

“Kane-”

Kaneki’s patience snaps.

_”AHH!”_

Kaneki yanks Tsukiyama up with his kagune, racing down the tunnel with a floundering, flailing Tsukiyama pressed tight against his back.

"KANEKI! LET ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, TSUKIYAMA!”

Kaneki attempts to reposition his kagune so that Tsukiyama can straddle his back. This is a stupid idea. Kaneki’s skin is on fire where Tsukiyama grapples and pulsates against him. The tunnel’s outlet couldn’t be farther away, he thinks with dread.

It’s a really stupid idea, because right as his kagune shifts, he feels himself slip hold of Tsukiyama, and it’s too late to regain his footing before he hears a shriek and feels the both of them crashing and tumbling to the rocky ground.

Kaneki’s face hits the floor, blood erupting from his nose and Tsukiyama falling flush against his back.

“AHH, _FUCK!_ ” Kaneki exclaims.

He immediately tries standing up again, Tsukiyama all but jumping off of him, mouth running frantic with apology after apology.

“I AM SO SORRY, KANEKI-KUN, I-”

Before Tsukiyama can rattle on any more apologies, Kaneki’s mind snaps and without a moment’s hesitation, he picks up Tsukiyama again, throwing him onto his shoulder as if he is a sack of potatoes.

“KANEKI-SAN!!”

Kaneki all but shreds down the tunnel again, while Tsukiyama wails in humiliation behind his back.

~

 

When they look back on it months later, it's one tiny moment that makes them both laugh.

“Kaneki-kun, you could have at least carried me in a more romantic way,” Tsukiyama complains half-heartedly, chuckling and burying his nose in Kaneki’s hair. “I would have appreciated had you been more gentle in breaking my foot again, too.”

Kaneki snorts, remembering how he had all but thrown Tsukiyama to the floor as soon as they were within safety, snapping the misplaced bones within the same instant.

Well.. it hadn’t been the best of circumstances.

Kaneki smirks. He lifts Tsukiyama’s arms off his shoulders, slowly moving in front of where Tsukiyama sits, hands running up the man's knees and thighs, pushing his way in between Tsukiyama's legs. He presses closer, until there is hardly any space left to breathe in between them. He gazes heavily at Tsukiyama’s lips before meeting surprised eyes.

“I think maybe it’s time I try a more romantic approach then,” he says, lowly. Tsukiyama flushes, confused until Kaneki giggles mischievously. In the same breath, Kaneki wraps his arms around and under Tsukiyama, who screeches as Kaneki pulls him to his chest bridal style.

“No- KEN!”

Kaneki laughs, Tsukiyama protesting in his arms as they head toward the stairs, out of the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "Person A has injured their foot. Person B has to carry them to a hospital. Person B throws person A over their shoulder and this upsets Person A, who was hoping for something more romantic."  
> It was more or less _( :'3 /L) I'm realizing after reading both of these chapters over again that maybe I have a kink for embarrassment or something. Oh god who am I anymore


	3. sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> knives n ropes dont like dont read

“Do you love me?” he asked. Kaneki circled Tsukiyama tied up in ropes to the chair, heels clicking, knife in hand. He rather admired the handiwork he had done on the intricate ropes, lavished the way they had brushed against the delicate skin behind the open dress shirt, the needy whine Tsukiyama gave him as the ropes constricted. They were experimenting.

Tsukiyama’s eyes bulged, not daring to make a sound. He knew Kaneki would stop the instant he did. He was gagged anyways, so it didn’t really matter.

Kaneki stopped at Tsukiyma’s side, leaning in so that his lacquered lips were only centimeters away from Tsukiyama’s ear. His free hand gingerly grasped the man’s chin, tilting it upwards in the slightest.

“Well. Do you..” he said, trailing the knife's tip along Tsukiyama's jawline, “love me?”

Tsukiyama shuddered. Kaneki laughed, letting go of his chin, moving behind the chair and sweeping a hand across the expanse of the man’s broad shoulders as he did so, finding his way down to Tsukiyama’s chest, lightly groping the exposed flesh. Still holding the knife, Kaneki’s other hand followed suit.

He lifted his foot to a point, giggling.

“Of course you do,” he sighed, sinking his nails into Tsukiyama’s chest and mouthing the man’s neck as he exposed more of the supple column.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S 5:16 AM  
> this is basically an expanded dialogue exercise I did for my homework and MY PROFESSOR IS GOING TO KNOW HOW GAY I RLLY AM  
> and no the original was not quite so um.. yeah. the prompt was just "Do you love me?" she said hopefully.  
> and no it did not include kanek and shoo i promise  
> it was women instead  
> and it was not bdsm in the original and was just about a psychopath kidnapping someone bc it's late and i don know  
> i swear i dont think about bdsm that much  
> i just. think about i t a lot and this was perfect ok it's 5:18 am cut me som e slack


	4. so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _bleed my name from your lips_

 

 

> _Darling_
> 
> how I
> 
>           _envy_
> 
> the cloth that swathes you
> 
> ,
> 
> the way it twists and folds,
> 
> how it
> 
>    knows
> 
> every little curve,
> 
> every last secret you so
> 
> it so
> 
>   _"ensnare".._
> 
> such a delicate word,
> 
>           don't you think  
>  _?_
> 
>   _My Love.._
> 
> jealously hold on to
> 
> as if it were
> 
>           _//but that's absurd//_
> 
>   _Oh, Love.._
> 
> only yours to keep
> 
> don't you agree ?
> 
> Most Divine,
> 
> I am but
> 
>           _Nothing_
> 
> without a master
> 
> Oh, _God.._
> 
>                 just say you agree
> 
> I ask of you nothing
> 
>             _nothing, **nothing**_
> 
>     sweet
> 
> Would you please?
> 
>           _//a secret isn't one's, alone//_
> 
> Darling, Bitter Rose,
> 
> wouldn't you tell
> 
>                             me   _?_
> 
> _"entangle".._ so lovely,  
>  _so lovely.._
> 
> what are
> 
>             moths, pray tell
> 
>       _**//let me be//**_
> 
> but to be enveloped in
> 
>   _Please.._
> 
> Oh Darling,
> 
>               Oh Beloved, _oh god_
> 
> _**just-**_

 

 

_....._

 

_..._

 

_  
_

_“no..._

 

_~  
_

  

_not..”  
_

 

 

_..._

 

 

_“.. not quite-”_

_....  
_

_“... but;  
_

 

_but then again, I.._

 

_...  
_

 

 

 

_.. this-”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an old little thing I previously uploaded, but decided to edit a little and repost here. I'm procrastinating writing an essay. 4:25am. nice. I really miss the old shuu in a weird way, you know?


	5. carnations

It always entranced Kaneki to see the precise sweeps, the gentle blends and contours behind Shuu's beauty routine.  
  
Watching the delicate touch of the brush as it graced his cheekbones, balm as it hugged the curve of parted lips, pencils and shadows amplifying the artwork of their canvas, the way slender fingers carded their way through strands slowly fading to turquoise, violet becoming a near memory.  
  
Shuu would laugh at the mesmerized gray eyes he'd always see without fail in the mirror. Every morning, every evening, every time they were to leave.  
  
He'd give an easy smile, cream blossoming into light pinks. Carnations working to compliment the melting ruby hue under meticulously lined eyelids. With one look, he would beckon, and Kaneki, utterly under his spell, would come.  
  
The kisses they'd share in those moments were no different than the brush of butterfly wings, no more warm than the first light of dawn. They were always filled with such wonder, and he could never expect to feel the same kiss twice. It was pure and soft, and he lavished under the precious sunlight offered to him. The way Shuu would chuckle once he'd see how his balm transferred onto unsuspecting, flushed lips.  
  
"Let's get dressed, shall we? It's unbecoming to keep others waiting."  
  
  
  
  
Most days, Matsumae comes to him now. She remains passive, sitting on the bed beside him as she runs through his growing locks with a brush. She used to bring a mirror with her, but Shuu refused to look at it. Instead it sits on the vacant vanity that would be growing dust, if not for the servants who clean while he sleeps. He asks for all the mirrors to be draped.  
  
Matsumae pats his hand when she finishes. She sets the brush down next to the unused cosmetics on the vanity and leaves. The door closes with hardly a sound.  
  
It's their daily routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -____-


	6. spooky

“Un…”

Shuu dashed out of his Papa's study into the hallway.

“Deux…”

Shuu giggled, stealthily tiptoeing his way down the hall, into the music room.

“Trois..”

He nearly tripped over the sheet covering him, it being a little too long on him. He had sneaked it away from one of the servants while they weren’t looking, running to the kitchen to get scissors to cut holes for eyes in the cloth. It’s what he had read some children doing in a book before to become ghosts. Shuu was a ghost. A spooky ghost.

“Quatre.. almost time, Shuu-kun..”

Shuu tried supressing a squeal, wrapping the sheet tighter around him as he scurried under the piano. Papa would never find him there.

“Cinq.. ready or not, Shuu-kun, here Papan comes!”

Shuu’s heart sped up. He grinned ear to ear. He didn’t want Papa to find him, but he also did want him to, so that he could scare him like the spooky ghost he was. He gasped as he heard Papa enter the music room. There was no way he could have found out where he was so quickly!

“Hmm.. I wonder where my Shuu-kun could be?”

Shuu stifled another laugh. This was going to be good..

He could see Papa’s shoes from where he squatted underneath the piano. Saw him pace around a few times.

“Should I ask one of our servants where he is? I seem to have lost him..”

He saw him move towards the closet in the music room, where they keep spare music sheets and items to care for the room’s instruments. He heard the closet door open.

“Not there..”

Shuu felt like jumping out from his spot already, but that would ruin the game. They _were_ playing hide and seek, after all.. he just had to be patient. Shuu wasn't good at being patient. He almost huffed. He did _too_ good a job of picking a hiding spot..

Papa started walking back to the piano. Shuu’s excitement grew again.

“Ah… I can’t seem to find him anywhere!” Papa said, moving closer to the piano bench. He sat down at the bench, his shoes right in front of where Shuu was squatting. Shuu felt like bursting with laughter.

“Shuu-kun does enjoy when I play Chopin. I suppose I should play some and-

"BOO!!

Shuu sprang out from under the piano, his arms spread wide, popping up right beside where Papa sat on the bench. Papa's eyes widened, his hands going up.

"Oh mon _DIEU!_ A ghost, goodness me, I need to call-"

"No, no, Papa, it's me, Shuu," he said, climbing onto the bench, "It's your Shuu-kun, Papan! Boo!" He laughed, lifting up the front of his ghost costume. His hair was all ruffled, a huge smile on his face. He got Papa good this time.

"Oh! Oh, Shuu-kun, so it is! You gave me quite a fright, mon cher. Wherever did you get that costume?" he asked, chuckling and smoothing down Shuu's hair. Shuu pressed his head further into his Papa's hand, rubbing against it. He was a kitty now.

"Nn, it wasn't a costume, Papa! I was a real ghost!"

Papa laughed again, giving Shuu a smile and pulling him into a hug.

"Is that so? What a silly little boy I have," he said, his eyes bright.

He lifted Shuu onto his lap, looking back down at Shuu. Shuu loved getting to sit in Papa's lap. He didn't do it often, and besides he felt even more like a kitty when Papa did it.

"I love you, Shuu-kun," Papa said, smiling and petting Shuu's hair again.

Shuu smiled, hugging his Papa once again. His face was pressed into Papa's vest, so his words came out a little muffled.

"I love you always, Papa."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_____________________________________________

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! I hope you all stay happy and safe :3


	7. worth it

Uta sits in their closet unannounced.

Uta's been sitting there since late that evening. Tsukiyama and Kaneki had taken about an hour to fall asleep, and Tsukiyama's soft snores can be heard through the closet doors. The two somehow hadn't noticed the visitor in their closet before they went to sleep.

Uta takes another peep out the door. In front of his line of vision is Tsukiyama and Kaneki's bed, where the two lie fast asleep, Kaneki being wrapped up in Tsukiyama's arms tightly.

 Uta waits a minute before leaving the closet, pulling a white sheet over himself. There are little slots for eyes in the cloth. He then exits the closet, shutting its doors quietly.

Standing in front of the closet he waits a moment, watching them from the corner of the room. He smirks.

He slowly starts shuffling into the space of the room, crossing over to the bed.

"Booooooooo," he coos, shuffling.

At once Tsukiyama jerks out of sleep and shrieks, rising up from bed with a jump. His volume increases as does his tight hold on Kaneki, who is somehow still asleep despite Tsukiyama's upheaval. He lets go and keeps screaming, jumping off of the bed and running to the side of the room. 

Uta only has tiny slits on his ghost sheet, so even as he's shuffling closer to Tsukiyama, he can't see the metal folding chair Tsukiyama's picked up from the side of the wall.

"NOT MY KEN, YOU DON'T!" Tsukiyama screeches, running up to Uta and slamming him in the head with the folding chair.

"Ow, fuck," Uta says, crumpling to the ground, the sheet still covering him.

Tsukiyama screams again, rushing over to Kaneki and abruptly picking him up from the bed. Kaneki squawks as he awakens with a startle in Tsukiyama's arms, his eyes going wild. Tsukiyama is still screeching, Kaneki in his arms bridal style as he sprints out the door.

"Oww.." Uta says from the floor.

"SHUU, WHAT THE F- GAHH!!" Kaneki's head bangs into the door frame after Tsukiyama scurries through it.

Kaneki's yelps of pain and Tsukiyama's screams are still audible after Uta hears the apartment's front door slam. It sounds like Tsukiyama is running down the street with Kaneki still in his arms. Uta can hear a faint "MATSUMAE" being screamed outside.

Uta sits up from where he lies, pulling his sheet off. Pulls out a zip-lock bag of eyeballs from his pocket, takes an eye out and licks it.

"Worth it," he says, doing a tiny fist pump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off this vine: http://shuuchans-fluffy-pajimmyjams.tumblr.com/post/132446470050
> 
> Those of you who follow me are probably sick of me screaming about it, but please. Imagine uta and shuu being friends. And he pulls this sort of crap all the time. Pls. 
> 
> Oh and no, Shuu didn't know it was him. Kaneki probably did tho
> 
> Written as stress-relief. Sorry to spam you all orz


	8. "a few notes, tho they are very flat"

Shuu decides, against his better judgement, that he’s going to contact him.

He’s not there, just on autopilot, his body mechanically reaching for paper and a pen someone so misguidedly left to his disposal on the desk. His hand starts writing on its own accord. It smears the ink on the page, not bothering to wait until it dries. How hilarious, when he used to be so calculating, so precise, always three steps ahead.

There’s words on the page. There’s characters and ink and stains, but he doesn’t know how any of it got there. He hiccups. Sniffs. Laughs. He used to know everything.

The whole situation is ridiculous. He doesn’t even know what he’s written on the page.

It reminds him of a question Kaneki once asked him, lifetimes ago.

_“Tsukiyama-san, do you know why a raven is like a writing desk?”_

Shuu paused, his bottle halfway up to his lips. Eyes quizzical, eyebrows raised. He remembered to smile.

 _“Um.. I haven’t given much thought to the riddle, so.. no, I’m not certain. Why do you ask?”_ he said, setting his bottle down and turning to Kaneki. 

They were still both dripping sweat. Kaneki had finally started talking to him instead of leaving the second they were done with sparring, only a few days prior. Shuu couldn’t help but feel that he was still testing him at this point. Wasn’t even sure if he was supposed to answer. 

The second before Kaneki asked his question, Shuu had quipped him with a little tease. You did brilliantly, Kaneki-kun, brushing his hair back, making sure his shirt lifted up just enough for Kaneki to get an eyeful. A devilish grin. Kaneki only ignored him.

Kaneki stayed silent at Shuu’s answer, until he smirked. Shuu’s eyes widened, heart skipping a beat. Ever the voyeur.

 _“Well.. tell me when you do,”_ Kaneki said, getting up and moving up the stairs without a second glance.

Shuu cursed himself.

He laughs. Can’t stop laughing. Has a fit, eyes even wetter than they were before, his sides aching as he curls inward from the laughter wracking through his body.

It means nothing. Nothing has ever meant anything. A grand gesture, an empty sentiment. He’s the great Nobody. Used to think there were so many differences, when now..

How silly, he cackles, how silly that actually, really, they’re so similar..

It’s ridiculous, he thinks again, looking at the stacks of unsent letters crowding his desk, all the crumpled paper littering the floor. A forest of torn roses, he thinks inanely, until he mulls over the image and sobers.

His hands are cold. The room _is_ slightly chilly. But he won’t bother anyone about such things anymore. Not that he wants to anymore, either.

He looks back at the letter in front of him. He can’t. He shouldn’t. He doesn’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.

There’s a photo on his desk of a child in a rain coat and rain boots, inquisitive bright eyes peering up at the person behind the camera. It’s crumpled from being in his pockets for so many years.

This life isn’t his own to gamble anymore. 

He pulls out an empty envelope from the stack beside the photo. Writes a few more lines that he’s actually cognizant of before placing the letter inside.

_I know.. rather, I believe I know why you.. acted as you did.  
_

He leaves the letter unaddressed, on top of the countless others piled up on the desk. 

_I know you’d rather keep us all away. Maybe that is the best thing to do. Maybe we shouldn’t interfere with you anymore, if it means you’ll do something differently this time. I know better than anyone that you are you though, and you won’t have changed your goals. You won’t listen. You will throw yourself away, as I did after you. You are selfish. What do I truly know of you anymore to say even this, though?_

Lifts himself out of the chair. He looks towards his bed, tempted to just lie there instead. 

_I know as well that I.. I can’t be doing this anymore. I can’t have these feelings. I can’t hold onto you. I believe I know you well enough to know you don’t want me to, either. And if I continue to do so, I’m only squandering away the life the ones I love have given me. I’m sacrificing more than my life, and to those who are still alive if I do. They deserve more than what they received from me, and their sacrifices will not be in vain. I am no longer Shuu, nor will I ever be again. I am a Tsukiyama. I will be their knight now, as part of my retribution. Kaneki.._

He wants to stay. But there’s work to be done, and people who need him. Who he needs back.

_I can’t stop loving you. I can’t give up on you, no matter how I try. Kaneki, I hope you remember that I will still cut all the thorns in your path. I will always be yours, despite all. I know I shouldn’t. I know to do so is more than selfish of me. However, I’ve never learned how to be otherwise, never even knew the word applied to me before I met you._

The door clicks behind him.

_I won’t let you throw your life away again. I will do everything it takes to protect those I still have, while not forgetting to honor my own for the sake of those I have lost. I pray you do the same. I won’t allow you to become one of them. You forget, my love, that you are still mine._

The letters stay where they’ve always stayed.

 _You forget, my love, that I’m probably about as stubborn as you are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "I'm probably about as stubborn as you are", from a lovely mutual :'3
> 
> ps @ fic anon from a while ago now- I'm still thinking about your message :'3 I wasn't kidding when I said I truly appreciated it!!
> 
> umm it's been a while since I've posted anything in this, so my current url is [@shuuchans-milky-pajimmyjams](shuuchans-milky-pajimmyjams.tumblr.com) on tumblr if you wanna send me some prompts! I love getting them, they make me feel loved :'3 if you have any critiques please let me know, and thank you for reading!
> 
> oh and. I might post a second part to this actually.. i have it all planned.. but you'll all probably hate me for it ^^;; heh heh. I'm heartless
> 
> also a last ps the title is not a typo just.. in case.. you were worried. . because.. it was bugging me so.. yeah .. okay


	9. luxe

The first thing Tsukiyama smells when he enters the apartment is acrid cigarette smoke coming from the balcony. It doesn't bother Tsukiyama (his Papa always has a smoke after dinner, and it's not like he hasn't experimented plenty himself), but it's not what he expects anyone in the household to be doing. The smoke is strong enough to mask both the scent of the person smoking and his own, so he goes out to greet whomever it is.

Peering out from the doorframe to the balcony, his heart convulses, and he forgets how to breathe momentarily. 

On the balcony isn't Banjou, as he thought it would be. It's Kaneki. Tsukiyama takes a shaky breath and a step back, hiding himself further from view. He grasps the doorframe faintly, eyes locked onto the scene before him.

Kaneki leans on the corner edge of the rail, eyes towards the city shining below. He closes his eyes, taking a drag of his cigarette and savoring the smoke. His slightly chapped lips form the perfect 'o', his chest falling slowly, all the tension in his muscles gone and a languid, serene expression on his face as he releases the smoke with a gratuitous exhale.

Tsukiyama watches the smoke pour out from his mouth, watches it roll off Kaneki's lips and he envies it, how it dares to take such liberties and luxuries to discover what he longs to know so intimately. He longs to be that smoke, longs to take a step forward and run his hand up Kaneki's neck, pull Kaneki towards him and taste it, taste the tobacco from the back of his throat, draw blood and suck Kaneki's inviting lips dry, longs to take a drag from them and swallow what's left of the smoke from Kaneki's lungs to fill his own with, to feel him moan into his open mouth, his-

"How long are you going to keep staring?" Kaneki says, breaking Tsukiyama from his fantasies. Tsukiyama splutters out a cough. Kaneki gives him a blank look, tapping out the burning embers from the cigarette.

Tsukiyama clears his throat. 

"You shouldn't be smoking, Kaneki-kun," he says, his voice more shaky than he would care for it to be. 

His concern is valid. He can't have his main course tainted. 

Kaneki shrugs, giving a hollow laugh as he puts out his cigarette on the rail, flicking it onto the street below. He looks up at Tsukiyama with empty eyes.

"I shouldn't be doing a lot of things," he says, going quiet. He pauses, looking back onto the city once more before going inside. The smoke lingers on Kaneki as he passes, in the same way Tsukiyama's eyes do. He doesn't give Tsukiyama a second glance.

Tsukiyama tears his eyes away from the retreating form to look back at where Kaneki had stood only moments before. He sighs. It's not a lost cause entirely..

Tsukiyama stands up a little straighter, adjusting his tie and smoothing out his vest, giving his head a little shake. In any case, it's a shame Kaneki had to toss the cigarette. it could be another trophy. He thinks again of how Kaneki's lips caressed the cigarette, how his tongue wetted them before taking a hit.

Well, Tsukiyama thinks, he'll just have to go down to the street later and clean up the mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bad boys do it well ~~I feel like I wrote Kaneki a little ooc here orz I'm so tired~~
> 
> this was a quick thing inspired by [this](http://shuuchans-milky-pajimmyjams.tumblr.com/post/142445333745/) because yE I like the idea of Kaneki being a smoker and also by a lovely mutual's tags on their reblog of it ajsndndjdncmd if you're reading this- I didn't want to embarrass you and post them here ;w;
> 
> I greatly appreciate any critique you have, and thank you for reading!! :3
> 
> DISCLAIMER THO I ACTUALLY DON'T CONDONE SMOKING AT ALL DON'T DO HTE SMOKE KIDDOS it Bad n not Cool at All
> 
>  **READ THE GODDAMN DISCLAIMERS IS2G IS2 _G!!!!!_** I know I like to joke around and stuff, but since I obviously had to be more clear about it :^) just bc i write something or like a certain aesthetic does not mean that i support in any way or act in accordance with those things as well :^))) which, if not already common sense, would be obvious if disclaimers were read, for future reference :^)))) not that what i wrote about is such a big deal lol?? but I guess it's my fault for not having a more serious tone with it, so.. thank you anyways!


	10. OBviously!!

"Ah, mon cheri.. whatever is the matter?" Tsukiyama says, kneeling down in front of Kaneki's lovely visage. Sakura petals whirl all around them, lost in the breeze of spring and first loves. Kaneki grips the front of his periwinkle blazer, bangs brushing across his downcast face angled away so that Tsukiyama might not see his doeful doe eyes brimming with tears, luscious cheeks adorned with a dark shade of beautiful crimson. 

"Oh.. Tsukiyama-senpai.. everyone's eyes are on me now that I'm out of my peasant clothes and in my proper uniform you so kindly bought me.. I'm so embarrassed.." Kaneki says, shyly avoiding Tsukiyama's eyes and blushing even more beautifully than before. He resembles the most crimson rose blooming in the Tsukiyama manor's garden. Tsukiyama knows, because that's what he pulls out of his breast pocket emblazoned with their prestigious school's emblem. Like the most admired gentleman he is, he tenderly cusps Kaneki's face, bringing the two of them closer and brushing Kaneki's hair back to place the rose behind his ear. 

Tsukiyama brushes his thumb across Kaneki's cheek, Kaneki blossoming with adoration, his eyes sparkling, staring straight into Tsukiyama's as though no one else exists, not even their fellow classmates around them screaming "GET A ROOM YOU DIPSHITS", or the class bell that just started ringing. As far as Tsukiyama is concerned, nothing else exists but the two of them. 

"They're looking because they know you are the most beautiful work of art that has ever graced their miserly horizons before," Tsukiyama says as he sweeps Kaneki even further off his feet, roses now swirling all around them, Kaneki burrowing himself close to Tsukiyama's chest now, "but don't worry, Ken. As your knight, I will always protect you from everything, no matter the costs.." 

Kaneki grips Tsukiyama's blazer tight, eyes about to burst with passion, pressing himself as close as he can against Tsukiyama's chest. 

"Oh, Tsukiyama-senpai.. I feel so relieved to hear you say that. I.. I feel much better now," Kaneki says. He rubs his face against Tsukiyama's chest, finding comfort in Tsukiyama's toned but soft and comforting pecs.

Tsukiyama burns with love, holding Kaneki as tight as he possibly can, inhaling the sweet scent of Kaneki's shampoo as he lays his head against Kaneki's. He would kiss him, would smother him with thousands of them if he could, but he must contain composure. He must be a gentleman, always. 

"Thank you," Kaneki whispers, his voice being muffled in the cloth right where Tsukiyama's heart lies.

-

Tsukiyama's eyes flash open, a look of pure determination on his face, cheeks pierced with  red. 

But then he lulls back into a contented expression, as if he is still daydreaming on the plush armchair he sits on. Ayato can swear he sees drool dripping down Tsukiyama's chin. 

"FUCKING PERVERT!" Ayato shouts, nearly throwing a chair at the oblivious Tsukiyama before being held back by Hinami, who tentatively laughs.

It's not like Tsukiyama notices. He's too lost in fantasies of him spinning Kaneki around, _"I love you, Tsukiyama-senpai, I love you!!"_

"Remind me again why the _hell_ you shitheads pulled me into this club? He's freaking me the hell out," Touka says, scoffing and about to burst a vein in her temple.

"NO, TOUKA-CHAN! Oh, how nice it must be to be so young.. so carefree.. so ignorant of the ways of the world.." Tsukiyama chortles, being suddenly pulled out of his daydream.

Touka looks as if she's about to strangle him. Tsukiyama wags his finger at her, his hearty laughs continuing as he winks. 

"Don't you get it? This is all part of my foolproof plan to get Ken to fall in love with me! Oh, my darlings. My naive darlings," Tsukiyama says, making a grand pirouette out of his chair, "while you were all out whittling away your youth in jealousy over me, I've all but secured an eternal love with Ken! Poems, epics, grand Broadway plays will be made of our star-crossed love! It should be quite obvious by now what sort of fanfiction- or, should I say, manga- this is by now!" 

Touka and Ayato share a look with each other, while Hinami looks on at Tsukiyama's spectacle with bemused bewilderment. Arima appears out of nowhere with a glint of his glasses behind the group while Banjou walks in eating a tofu wrap, nodding with a "sup".

Tsukiyama clears his throat loudly.

"If we're _DONE_ with the interruptions now," he says, looking pointedly at Banjou, who is chewing quite loudly with an apathetic look in his eyes, " _AS_ I was saying. It's quite obvious by now that _THIS_ is a romantic, bloody school drama tragedy comedy drama. Ken and I are obviously the main characters," Tsukiyama says with another grand flourish, turning his back to the group with a thoughtful look on his face. He tries to drown out Banjou's chewing noises and the sound of pen scratching across paper as Arima takes notes and glints his glasses, and Ayato starts to splinter a chair apart in Angst,

"and THAT means we are _love_ interests!" Tsukiyama bursts out. 

"Hah. I think that's the stupidest shit you've said today yet, but whatever. What are we then," Banjou says, eyes rolling to the ceiling, taking another bite of his infinitely lasting tofu wrap.

" _YOU_ , mes amies, are the **HETEROSEXUAL SUPPORTING CAST!!** " Tsukiyama shouts, spinning around in a burst of hearts and glimmer to point at his unshapely host club. 

"What the fUCK!!!"  
"GOD **DAMNIT!!!** "  
"I do _NOT_ DESERVE TO BE SEEN AS A HETEROSEXUAL-"  
"... [glinting of glasses]"  
"ahahaha;;;..."

Ayato throws the chair he was splintering apart at Tsukiyama, who falls with an "OOOHHH, MON DIEU!!!" to the floor. it's an instant K.O. Fucccccckin' Wasted.

"That'll show HIM to call us Hets™," Ayato says, spitting on Tsukiyama. Touka joins in to kick Tsukiyama's unconscious form, Ayato walking away to find more Angsty things to do. 

Arima gently pushes Touka aside, glinting his glasses once more. He pulls a briefcase out of his coat and opens it, pulling Ixa out of that. He stabs Tsukiyama with Ixa for the hell of it, a "tRÉS MAL!!!" escaping the unconscious body.

"For good measure," Arima says, and everyone laughs like the sitcom they could be on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hweheheh 
> 
> the things I do when I'm Stressed and Exhausted 
> 
> I didn't feel like editing this much, so.. I'm sorry for how shitty it is but like maybe it's supposed to be shitty and maybe the real story is the friends we made along the way now u get to see how shitty my rough drafts are omg I'm sorry;_; im not sorry for anything else tho I still fuckign lov ouran fite me irl binch


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